the new face
I have thought long and hard about who the new face of this blog should be, after all there are some big shoes to fill. Staying with the theme of politics I have decided on that nice chappy David Cameron. He makes me want to vote Conservative because of his efforts to reconnect the Tory party with the general public and because he is handsome in a non threatening way. He has that fresh faced energy not seen in British politics since a young Turk named Anthony Blair took the helm in 1997 promising that things could only get better (and boy have they!)
Obviously he can't be as squeaky clean as we would like to think since otherwise he would have not got as far within politics. Certainly nothing as obvious as Georgey Osbourne (photographed with a prostitute surrounded by cocaine and transexuals) however I reckon that there's got to be some dirt. And there is.
His website has the following picture on it: http://www.davidcameronmp.com/gallery/full/1001-01a.jpg apparently showing our PM in waiting presenting a cheque for £10k for some sort of charity gig supporting kids in sport. All nice and clean and above board? Not exactly...
My broad ranging investigation has in fact revealed that this cheque is actually the first section of a bribe to the Gambling Commission ensuring that the first supercasino in the UK will be built in his Oxfordshire constituency. The head of the Commission is actually the rather short chap in the badly fitting suit to Cameron's left. The school appearance and the fitness programme is only a ruse to further convince the middle classes that Cameron cares about your sprogs and would rather eat broken glass than see another obese child wandering the streets looking for an astroturf pitch where they can get a good game of hockey in.
So no wonder he looks so smug all the time - give it another 12 months and the working classes of the South East will all be burning their pay cheques at the David Cameron roulette table. Building upon this success he will then set up free shuttle buses from the Labour heartlands of Wales and the North East allowing all people of all political persuasions to get themselves into serious debt with Cameron Holdings (a subsidiary of David Cameron Enterprises). Once this happens punters will be given the option of either voting Conservative at the next election of getting thoroughly duffed up by Cameron's goons (revealed to be IDS and Liam Fox, both former army officers trained in the art of finger breaking, hair pulling and shin kicking). Obviously most people will go with the voting option, especially when they realise it provides a perfect opportunity to take 2 hours off work. Early predictions show that the Convervatives have already predicted a landslide victory in 2008 with cautious estimates putting their share of the vote as just under 93%.
So there we have it. The boy wonder Cameron is in fact as crooked as you and I. Certainly this is nothing on the scale of the Prescott-Contra scandle of the late '80s or the incident that will forever more be known as BeckettGate however it shows once and for all that the Conservatives have no intention to stop their core policy of exploiting the working classes in order to support lower tax rates for those of us with degrees and without tattoos.
Anyway, enough of this fine talk. Onwards, pip pip.
Obviously he can't be as squeaky clean as we would like to think since otherwise he would have not got as far within politics. Certainly nothing as obvious as Georgey Osbourne (photographed with a prostitute surrounded by cocaine and transexuals) however I reckon that there's got to be some dirt. And there is.
His website has the following picture on it: http://www.davidcameronmp.com/gallery/full/1001-01a.jpg apparently showing our PM in waiting presenting a cheque for £10k for some sort of charity gig supporting kids in sport. All nice and clean and above board? Not exactly...
My broad ranging investigation has in fact revealed that this cheque is actually the first section of a bribe to the Gambling Commission ensuring that the first supercasino in the UK will be built in his Oxfordshire constituency. The head of the Commission is actually the rather short chap in the badly fitting suit to Cameron's left. The school appearance and the fitness programme is only a ruse to further convince the middle classes that Cameron cares about your sprogs and would rather eat broken glass than see another obese child wandering the streets looking for an astroturf pitch where they can get a good game of hockey in.
So no wonder he looks so smug all the time - give it another 12 months and the working classes of the South East will all be burning their pay cheques at the David Cameron roulette table. Building upon this success he will then set up free shuttle buses from the Labour heartlands of Wales and the North East allowing all people of all political persuasions to get themselves into serious debt with Cameron Holdings (a subsidiary of David Cameron Enterprises). Once this happens punters will be given the option of either voting Conservative at the next election of getting thoroughly duffed up by Cameron's goons (revealed to be IDS and Liam Fox, both former army officers trained in the art of finger breaking, hair pulling and shin kicking). Obviously most people will go with the voting option, especially when they realise it provides a perfect opportunity to take 2 hours off work. Early predictions show that the Convervatives have already predicted a landslide victory in 2008 with cautious estimates putting their share of the vote as just under 93%.
So there we have it. The boy wonder Cameron is in fact as crooked as you and I. Certainly this is nothing on the scale of the Prescott-Contra scandle of the late '80s or the incident that will forever more be known as BeckettGate however it shows once and for all that the Conservatives have no intention to stop their core policy of exploiting the working classes in order to support lower tax rates for those of us with degrees and without tattoos.
Anyway, enough of this fine talk. Onwards, pip pip.
posted by S T Cox at 5:14 PM
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